I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
