Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Boobs speak an international language.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
