my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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