i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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