Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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