she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It was confusing and full of hummus
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
