I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
