i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize