oh god the rape fog is back!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
