Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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