everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
home. puking in laundry basket.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
