Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
