And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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