wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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