i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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