I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
