you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
