the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
