well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
