In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
