Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
