My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
