and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
