We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
