this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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