I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
