Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
