My first STD was from a foam party
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Let's get the cat blown out
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
