The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
