She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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