I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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