census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
