Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
