every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
