I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
