I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
