I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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