i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
