shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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