I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
