new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
