yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My ATM looks so different sober.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
