Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Randomize