i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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