4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
