when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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