i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
