legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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