you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
