Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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