Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I can't turn off my feet"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
