Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
