nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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