i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
