As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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