so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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