He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize