so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
