oh god the rape fog is back!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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