After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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