What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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