I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize