How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
