i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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