I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize