I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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