thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
