So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
