New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i wish my penis had a tongue
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
