Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
