I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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