If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize